On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
