you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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