There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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