So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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