I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
