in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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