Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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