I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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