and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
