I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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