I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
where are you?
Hypothermia
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
