My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
