i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
