Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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