Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
