I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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