I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
