dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
