tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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