I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
