8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
