Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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