I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
