the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I looked at my own cervix.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
