Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
