I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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