seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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