I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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