ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
