he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
