I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
