I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
