I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
