I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
