Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
