so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
