So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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