dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
