It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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