My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
