My first STD was from a foam party
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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