I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
