I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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