I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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