alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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