morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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