I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
