I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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