Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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