I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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