After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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