Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
