Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
