just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
