Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
