Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
third nipple confirmed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
