Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
