She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
