NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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