Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My sheets look like a crime scene.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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