New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
