do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
