I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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