You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
