don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
