I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
