I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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